The Mortgage Talk You Should Have With Your Parents Before It's Too Late

Nobody wants to have this conversation. But if your parents are over 60 and you haven't talked about their mortgage situation, you're setting yourself up for a crisis. I've watched this play out too many times.

A parent gets sick or passes away. The family discovers the house has a reverse mortgage they didn't know about. Or the mortgage is bigger than anyone realized. Or there's no equity left because they kept refinancing to pay bills. Then everyone scrambles to figure out what to do while dealing with grief and medical decisions. You can avoid all of that by having one uncomfortable conversation now instead of a desperate one later.

Why This Matters More Than You Think

Your parents' mortgage situation affects you whether you like it or not. If they can't make payments, someone in the family will probably step in to help. If they need care, that house might be the only asset that can pay for it. If they pass away, the mortgage doesn't disappear. It becomes someone's problem. The average American over 65 carries more mortgage debt than any previous generation. They refinanced during the low rate years. They took out home equity loans. They're still paying mortgages that previous generations would have paid off decades ago. This isn't about judging their choices. It's about understanding reality so you can plan accordingly.

The Questions You Need to Ask

Start the conversation gently. Tell them you're thinking about your own financial future and want to understand how they're set up. Most parents are more willing to share once they realize you're asking to learn, not to judge.

Here's what you need to know. Do they still have a mortgage and how much is left on it? What's their monthly payment and can they afford it comfortably on their current income? Do they have a reverse mortgage or any home equity loans? What happens to the property if one of them passes away? Is there a plan for how they'll handle the mortgage if they need to move to assisted living?

These questions feel intrusive. Ask them anyway. The discomfort of this conversation is nothing compared to the chaos of trying to figure it out during a crisis.

The Bottom Line

Have this conversation now while everyone is healthy and thinking clearly. Don't wait for a crisis to force it. Your parents' mortgage situation affects your financial future whether you want it to or not. Understanding their situation now gives you time to plan, adjust, and help if needed. Need help figuring out mortgage options for your parents or yourself? Head to my website to discuss your specific situation.